French Business

I received a letter saying that I had passed the Diplôme de Français des Affaires, 1er degré (DFA1). It's the Business French qualfication that I had exams for in February. It is awarded by the French Chamber of Commerce & Industry (CCIP).

The DFA1, within the EU's Common European Reference for Languages(CEF), is at the 4th highest level (B2) out of 6 in comparison with the other CCIP exams. There is also a comparison of the Common Reference with British qualifications.

The CCIP has published an example exam paper.

Back on the grid

I am now back in Europe.

I went down to my local high street and asked about burning 1700 photos totalling 2.7 GB to DVD. One establishment wanted to charge me 10x the Thai price. Outraged, I went to another shop and they wanted 7x the Thai price. Expressing my shock, the sales assistant got very defensive and asked if I wanted the Internet for free. It must be because he has an Apple Mac.

This must be what they call Reverse Culture Shock.

Going off the grid

I'm going to Hat Yai today at 1300 with the plan of catching a bus to Pak Bara around 0700 and getting the 1030 boat to Ko Tarutao. Unfortunately, spontanaeity sucks and the sleepers are all booked up. I could take the chance of getting a later train with an expensive sleeper and risk missing the boat from Pak Bara to Ko Tarutao. Instead, I'll take the conservative option and opted for a sleepless seat on the early train.

As Ko Tarutao is a protected Marine National Park, there is no commercial development and the only accommodation is operated by the park rangers. Water is rationed and electricity is limited to the night-time hours. So, I doubt I'll have net access till get back to the mainland ie Hat Yai, on 24 March. Then, assuming I get the early morning boat from KT, I should be able to make the overnight train (hopefully the sleeper isn't booked-I can only book the train at Hat Yai) to Kuala Lumpur, Malaysia.

Shots & Shabu-Shabu

Trekking, Tribes & Trunks

Retail Mystery Tour

I went to a nearby Wat to see an emerald and a crystal Buddha. There, I was met by a tuk-tuk driver offering me a 2-3 hr tour for only 100B. I was intrigued. Surely, there was a catch. He said he would take me to 2 Wats outside town after which he would take me to a few shops, where I only had to look but not buy anything. He openly admitted that they were paying him to bring people to their shops as it was the Low Season. (the high season is Nov-Feb).

I was impaled on the horns of a dilemma. My natural cynicism was to reject this Too Good To Be True offer and walk away. I thought I might be forced to buy something or be dumped on the side of the road with a long trek in the boiling midday sun. On the plus side, he showed me his notebook with a glowing review in English, although it could have been written by a Thai.

However, the shops were near the train station, that was several km East of the centre of the city, where I was staying. I could try the sangthaew route to get there but I can't seem to manage to get the standard shared taxi fare. Alternatively, I could hire a tuk-tuk to take me there. I wanted to go there because I'm not spontaneous enough to arrive 5 min before the train leaves and assume I could get a ticket. So, I wanted to book an overnight sleeper to Bangkok, leaving 18 March.

I decide to take a calculated risk and take up the driver on his offer but with a few terms of my own. First, I asked to go to the train station. Then I offered him 40B. He countered with 80B. I raised to 50B. He slumped to 60B. We agreed on 55B and I said the sum in Thai.

He took me to the 2 temples. First was Wat Phuak Hong, with a "stacked spheres" style. There appeared to be a class for kids inside which was ended when the fruit stall arrived. The kids rushed out to buy pieces of watermelon.

Second was Wat Jet Yot, based on an Indian design, it has 7 spires representing the 7 weeks Buddha spent in Bodhgaya (India) after his enlightenment. (source: LPT).

Then, I asked the tuk-tuk driver to take me to the train station but he said he would do that after we went to the shops. I was waiting for the other shoe to fall. We drove out to the East of Chiang Mai for a couple of miles. We drove along a main road with out-of-town retailers on both sides eg. Carrefour. Then, we arrived at a small building surrounded by a large car park. I was ushered in and met by a Kashmiri man. He showed me pashminas and silks. I thanked him for his time and walked out.

The next stop on the retail tour was the lacquer shop which doubled as a factory. I feigned dis-interest in the displays and demonstrations of how laquer products are made and walked through several areas of displays. I was met at the other end by the tuk-tuk driver.

He then drove me to the rug shop. Another couple of Kashmiri men met me and one of them sat at a loom and showed me the ancient art of carpet weaving, that the Iranians had just given up on. He and his partner picked up various sizes of carpets and unrolled each of them, with a solid thwack as one end struck the floor. They then spun them around to show how the colours varied depending on the angle. By the end of the demonstration, the room was covered in 6 different sizes of rugs. I thanked them for their demonstration and walked out.

At this point, I asked the tuk-tuk driver to take me to the train station. He said he still hadn' received enough petrol money and I was to go to a silver shop. We drove a few metres to a long building that was flanked by a couple of coaches. I walked in at one end and saw many counters of rings and other ornaments. I had to walk through several rooms of display cases before I had got I reached the passengers of the coaches who were waiting at the other end.

As I saw the tuk-tuk driver, I smiled once more and asked him to take me to the train station, which he agreed to do.

When I arrived at the train station, I found out the late train had all it's sleepers booked up and I had to go for an expensive AC sleeper on the earlier train. I got into the tuk-tuk again and we went back to the centre of Chiang Mai. When I gave the the driver 55B, he said that I had given him a 5B tip but I said I had not.

I went off to a travel agency to book a tour for 18 March. It will involve elephant riding, bamboo rafting, a bit of forest-walking, a waterfall visit and a visit to 2 tribes. There is a 50 min window between the return to Chiang Mai time and the departure of my train.

Touring Triangular Gold

Watch this space.

Meeting Mae Klang

Watch this space.

Chilling Chiang Mai

I spent 1/2 hr typing up a new post for this blog when my browser shut down and all my inspired writing went into the Ether-net. So, apologies for an update not appearing. I had written it but I didn't have the spirit to re-write it even worse, a second time.

From Lopburi, I travelled on a sleeper train which arrived 1/2 hr late at Nakhon Lampang. So, I lost out on some sleep, having set my alarm for 6 am.

After wandering through town, I found the duck & rice restaurant featured in the Lonely Planet Thailand (LPT). The food was fine but not worth the trek. I also visited Wat Si Rong Meuang, a temple constructed in the Burmese layered style, with tin roofs gabled by intricate woodcarvings, governed by a Burmese abbot (source: LPT).

I eschewed a tuk-tuk ride to walk to the out-of-town bus station on the West side. After about an hour in the draining heat, I reached my destination. I took a bus to Chiang Mai and stopped off at the Thai Elephant Conservation Centre. There, I watched a show which feature elephants moving logs, playing instruments and raising and lowering flags. Afterwards, I went on an elephant ride into the jungle. This featured 45 degree descents into ponds, followed by a mud bath. The Centre has an elephant hospital and a paper factory using elephant dung!! After seeing an elephant skeleton, I caught the bus back to NL.

Once more eschewing tuk-tuk rides, I slowly plodded through the burning heat from the bus station in the West to a main road in the East in order to catch a shared sangthaew to Wat Phra That Lampang Luang, "the most beautiful wooden Lanna temple" (source: LPT). It took over an hour with several pit stops for liquids and air-cooling at 7-11. I tried to pay the regular fare but sangthaew driver after sangthaew quoted me a hire fare which was about 10x the regular fare. I decided not to be fleeced and walked back towards the train station in the West in the debilitating heat as I was too parsimonious to get a tuk-tuk.

When LPT says its maps are not to scale, it means it although I can't tell which parts are to scale (if any) and which are not. It would be better if it didn't put a scale.

I reached the train station at 6pm. I could get a 2nd class train straightaway or wait 50 min for a 3rd class train for 1/2 the price. I chose the latter.

During the wait, I phoned ahead to Chiang Mai to get a guesthouse for the night. I admire people who are spontaneous and never book anything ahead of time and get covered in chocolate when turning up on spec. On the one hand, I'm a control freak but on the other hand, I don't want to wonder from full house to full house with 20 kg of rucksacks.

I phone up the first 100B/night guesthouse in LPT using my Thai SIM card. It's full. I phone up the 2nd - it's full. I phone up the 3rd - it's full. I phone up a 150B/night guesthouse - it's full. I phone up a 2nd 150/B guesthouse - it's full. I phone upp a 3rd - it's full.

I decide to make on last call as I'm running out of time. I phone up a 200B/night guesthouse - it has a room and I grab it.

The train comes and I get on. I'm in a carriage with teens and a monk. Halfway through the journey, there is a tapping on the windows and a guard is trying to close the windows. Why? My window is jammed at an angle to the horizontal so I help him make it level before it can be closed. Hailstones are hitting. Then, there is rain - I've forgotten what it looks like. Raindrops enter the carriage through the ventilation ducts.

I arrive at Chiang Mai and decide to reward myself with sangthaew, especially as I had eschewed the luxury earlier in the day. I ask for a price of 10B, which is the LPT rate. The sangthaew driver laughs it off. A tuk-tuk driver offers me a price of 60B. In my inimitable negotiating style, I persist with my 10B price, knowing full well that I should pay more for a tuk-tuk than a shared sangthaew. The tuk-tuk driver offers me a price of 50B. I refuse and start walking to the city centre. Other tuk-tuk drivers offer me 50B rides. I refuse. A lady tuk-tuk driver offers me a 40B ride. I offer 20B in return and she refuses, saying she will go home, instead. She says that I am staying in a 250B and can afford it. I tell her that because I am paying so much, I have to save money. She tells me to walk and I start walking. She drives off.

As I reach the main road into the city, a tuk-tuk driver stops next to me and asks me "Whereyougo?". I tell him and he offers me a 80B ride. I offer him 10B. He shows me his "Tourism Volunteer" ID and tells me he only charges cost price for petrol. I tell him I could get a 40B rate but it is still too much. He refuses. I start walking and a few seconds later he calls me back and grumpily offers to take me for 40B. I finally agree.

I get a 3rd floor room without AC. Here is Iconochasm's Guide to Hotel Standards from door locking mechanisms:

• Electronically-programmable key card - Luxury
• Ordinary door lock - Standard
• Padlock - Backpacker

I get a padlock on my front door but at least it's a big one.

It's night now but it almost feels comfortable. I don't if it's because:

• It is cooler
• It is further North
• It's just rained
• I'm getting used to the heat and humidity

Chiang Mai is the San Francisco of Thailand.

It's the laid back hangout that true travellers need to visit before Thais think they've done Thailand. It's got coffee shops, internet cafes, guesthouses & travel agents everywhere you look. Even the street stalls have English menus. You can get pizzas, banana pancakes, burgers, hotdogs and fish & chips. There is even an Irish pub.

There are lots of pale faces here.

Chiang Mai is the easy transition point for those who can't cope with the pressure and congestion of Bangkok or the native language anywhere else.

It was tricky getting to this point as I could only order noddle soup but this is too easy.

Monotonous Muak Lek

Watch this space.

MBK - More Bought Klothes

Watch this space.

Boxing and Brown Sugar

Watch this space.

Cruising Chao Phraya

Watch this space.

Drifting down Damonen Saduak

Watch this space.

Krossing Kwai at Kanchanaburi

Watch this space.

Around Ayuthaya

An American: "I can't learn this Thailand language."

Sextupled temperature in Thailand

The temperature was 36 deg C. I tried to leave by the wrong terminal. How was I supposed to know that the closest terminal was the wrong one.

After walking through a door, the intense heat seared me. I was on a bridge above a 6-lane. Across the bridge, were the railway lines. Taking Lonely Planet as guru of all things travel, I took their advice and avoided going South to Bangkok. Instead, I went the opposite way to Ayutthaya - the island of ruined wats.

On the train, hawkers passed through with plates of meat on rice and bags of strange white powder. There was also a mama-san - the elderly lady carry a mass of packages. She had about 8 bags and boxes, including fish-balls and a village-worth of dried mushrooms. Prior to getting off, she stacked her load across the exit door, which didn't help her to unload quickly.

On getting off the train at Ayutthaya station was by boat. It was already packed with about 30 standing people, including schoolkids. I allowed a monk in yellow robes to go in front of me but he must have had divine intervention as he too thought that standing on the prow without guard rails was not a good idea. Nevertheless, 5 children jumped on merrily. The boat reversed and I got on at the stern, next to the exposed engine. I had gloomy thoughts of one of my rucksack's dangling straps being sucked into the machinery. Fortunately, we made it across. I was now on the island.

Bangkok bound - planes, trains & a pony

I took the metro to Heathrow airport - or at least I tried to. Unhelpfully, London Underground decided to do engineering work on both the Piccadilly and District Lines. So a group of sherpas got off the metro and were told to take the Heathrow Express.

I thought I would have to pay 15 GBP - 7x the Tube cost more but whether it was my charm or good looks, the lady at the ticket counter said I shouldn't say I didn't have a Zone 1-6 travelcard so I didn't have to pay anymore.

I reached the airport with 1/2 hr to spare. I had got a cheap flight with Royal Jordanian Airlines and I began to learn why it was cheap. They didn't bother to have check-in staff, outsourcing it to Air Canada. I went to the first RJA counter I saw even though it was for those who turn left on boarding and didn't have a queue. Yet again, I couldn't figure out if it was my charm or good lucks but the lady checked me in after I said that I couldn't find any other RJA counters but of course I hadn't looked. After checking-in, I did look and found another RJA counter but it was unwomanned.

So, that left 2hr to kill before boarding. Why, oh, why oh why, is the check-in time 2.5 hrs before take-off. Surely it can't take that long to fling luggage into the plane. I'm convinced it's a global airport plot to make people buy through boredom.

Looking around for something to read, I noticed the Sunday Telegraph was (un)pular with fragments of its portfolio left in 5 different locations.

Next, I checked out my fellow cabin-mates for the Amman leg (yet another reason for cheapness). I noticed a Thailand regular - a white-haired bloke wearing a Thailand t-shirt featuring a technicolour elephant. I wondered if that was the only wild-life he and his mate were interested in.

Then, there was the geekess - permed hair, wearing a green jumper and a sensible grey skirt with her right tights unrolling beneath it. To match her outfit, she accessorised with a "Steal-Me" laptop bag. She was plantively telling her mum she would try to get Net access but wouldn't be able to for a few days - and the rest. I wonder what she was planning to get up to incommunicado.

Finally, there was the Jordanian showing off his largesse by feeding shrapnel into a drinks machine like a Vegas slot addict. He flung his prizes around the departure lounge like German stick grenades.

Evidence of parsimony 1 - those of us flying on to Bangkok from Amman were told to queue for our 2nd leg boarding passes but it seemed that only 1/3 of the queue received theirs. I was not one of the lucky ones.

Most of my plane-mates were not Jordanian - there were the usual students/gappers and some older middle-aged / elderly couples. They had obviously picked up the same cheap deal I had.

Evidence of parsimony 2 - the Airbus A320-400 had peeling paint on the wing. It didn't have individual seat-back screens. So, the lucky flyers in the centre section got good views of the 3 flip-down screens but those on the left or right got poor views. Not that there was anything worth watching apart from The Simpsons. The only consolation was the empty seat beside me, enabling me to stretch out.

We pushed back from the terminal 10 minutes late. We took-up off 40 minutes late, preceded by a prayer. Well, Allah featured in every sentence. It worked, we made up the time and arrived in Amman on time.

I took rode Shank's pony through the gift shop to transit. Then, I had to go through the metal detector and was told by the guard to take-off my watch. I have never been asked to do this and it (and I) never sets the detector off. Even after removing it, the detector beeped at me. I was subjected to a body search. Afterwards, I noticed that every single person who walked through the metal detector was beeped at. I'm sure it's set to do this automatically, enabling everyone to be body searched.

The 2nd leg was like deja-vu. I had the same seat and was offered the same meal at 2am Jordan time - who wants to eat at a time like that? Alas, the seat beside me was filled by a Jordanian who spent the entire flight trying to stretch out into my space.

Winter Migration

It's 5 deg C and the newspapers are screaming that it'll go down to -15 deg C!! In the interests of research & avoiding frost-bite, I feel it is my duty to sex up my environment so I am flying to Thailand today to sex-tuple it.

However, it looks like I'll be risking lightning strikes with a week of thunderstorms :-(